A New Normal

After 3 weeks off (1 for the week after my surgery, the rest since I had the babies) Nick went back to work today. He has been by my side 24/7 since we lost the babies, so it will be hard to get back to normal, or whatever normal now means.
Today was my first day alone. It wasn’t too bad. I slept in, went to lunch with my mom and my uncle, got gas, and got an iced coffee from Starbucks. No, I’m not back to work yet or normal yet, and I still break down and cry at random times, but I am trying.

Between the appointments, the surgery, and ultimately losing the babies, I have surprised myself at how strong I am. I’d rather not have to be strong, but sometimes being strong is your only choice.

I love my babies and always will. I’m sad, confused, and angry and always will be. But I’m still here, still breathing, and need to somehow figure out how to still live.

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